Saturday, April 9, 2011
well,
since no one reads this anymore, do you ever feel like a relationship is materialized? that you are used? that people are only your friends because of the convienences you hold in your hands? i do. i wish we could all be just true friends. not materialized. i wish we could all speak our own opinions. the only time people have anything to do with me is on a birthday or a holiday. gifts. materials. why do they mean so much to you?
Monday, January 10, 2011
Scent of Desperation *End*
Bobby Pendragon's adventures through the flumes toward another world came to an end as the bus reached my stop. I slowly gathered my things as my face turned redder than a cherry. I try to focus on something besides the looks crossing my path. I didn't wear the right clothes, I didn't have the right hair, I was an outsider. I finished my journey through Tumble Road and stepped off the bleak, rubber steps which was my serenity. The peace was gone.
It was so beautiful out, but not as beautiful as gum covered seats. There I was safe. Here, where the birds were singing, the sun smiling, I had no hideout here.
Maybe I could go for a walk. Press reality on pause, play a moment of fantasy. Escaping myself seemed like an intriguing idea. Just go across the road...and walk. It's not like my mother would care...she might even be grateful not to deal with me for a while.
I take a step. Nothing. Then another. Then another the--
"Where do you think you're going?" Great. So much for three times the charm.
"Out." I begin to take another chance to escape with a brisker pace, but once again reality plays. I wanted to fight for my remote control.
"Oh, no, you're not. Get in this house." She presses play for the final time. I eject the DVD on fantasy...maybe I could watch it later. As I walk in, I'm hit by a foul stench.
My mom doesn't clean, I have to. Although, most nights I'm so broken I just lay there in the middle of it all.
I start to clean before a hurricane huddles closer. It's not as bad as usual..but what's that stench?
"What's that smell?" I choose my words carefully, the women has a temper.
"Oh," The women that was my parental figure let out a gut wrenching burp before continuing. Ladylike. "I spilt milk on the chair a few hours ago. You can clean it up later."
Throwing the wrappers and beer bottles on the floor away, I hurried to my room. Eager to escape the wrath of my mother.
My four year old fantasy room. I was obsessed with Barbie and Dora at the time. My sheets had Dora's face on them. Dora and Boots smiled at me, as if they had something to smile about.
My mom walked into the room, her prescence made even Barbie's confident shoulders slouch. Oh, joy. I wait for the bomb to blow.
"It's your fault!" I knew what she was talking about. For years, she told me the same thing everyday. She blamed me because I survived the accident and dad didn't...I was in the car with him the day it happened. I saw him die.
"It wasn't." I knew what would come next.
"Everyday I have to stare in the eye what was his face! His eyes! I have to stare at death." With a scream, her hand swept across my face. Then, I screamed.
The burn of the sudden strike left behind a trail of evidence. It hurt, the tears were pouring. This made her angrier. This bomb was big enough to start a war...
The words formed in my mouth before I could stop them. "Why'd you do that?!"
"Because!" Tears were streaming from my mothers eyes. I didn't know how to stop them. I didn't know how to stop this..
I wondered if Dora could talk, would she defend me? Would she be frowning and violently cursing in Spanish? I would.
My mom left the room, but Barbie didn't prop herself back up. I wouldn't blame her after the scene she'd witnessed.
...........................
A slap in the face,
A punch in the chest,
A fall to the ground,
No one there,
To witness the sound,
No one to see,
The Scent of Desperation,
Covering my fresh layer,
Of blood, sweat, and tears.
............................
Together we can end the endless story of pain for these children. If you or someone you know is being abused, call the NSPCC. Say NO to Child Abuse.
It was so beautiful out, but not as beautiful as gum covered seats. There I was safe. Here, where the birds were singing, the sun smiling, I had no hideout here.
Maybe I could go for a walk. Press reality on pause, play a moment of fantasy. Escaping myself seemed like an intriguing idea. Just go across the road...and walk. It's not like my mother would care...she might even be grateful not to deal with me for a while.
I take a step. Nothing. Then another. Then another the--
"Where do you think you're going?" Great. So much for three times the charm.
"Out." I begin to take another chance to escape with a brisker pace, but once again reality plays. I wanted to fight for my remote control.
"Oh, no, you're not. Get in this house." She presses play for the final time. I eject the DVD on fantasy...maybe I could watch it later. As I walk in, I'm hit by a foul stench.
My mom doesn't clean, I have to. Although, most nights I'm so broken I just lay there in the middle of it all.
I start to clean before a hurricane huddles closer. It's not as bad as usual..but what's that stench?
"What's that smell?" I choose my words carefully, the women has a temper.
"Oh," The women that was my parental figure let out a gut wrenching burp before continuing. Ladylike. "I spilt milk on the chair a few hours ago. You can clean it up later."
Throwing the wrappers and beer bottles on the floor away, I hurried to my room. Eager to escape the wrath of my mother.
My four year old fantasy room. I was obsessed with Barbie and Dora at the time. My sheets had Dora's face on them. Dora and Boots smiled at me, as if they had something to smile about.
My mom walked into the room, her prescence made even Barbie's confident shoulders slouch. Oh, joy. I wait for the bomb to blow.
"It's your fault!" I knew what she was talking about. For years, she told me the same thing everyday. She blamed me because I survived the accident and dad didn't...I was in the car with him the day it happened. I saw him die.
"It wasn't." I knew what would come next.
"Everyday I have to stare in the eye what was his face! His eyes! I have to stare at death." With a scream, her hand swept across my face. Then, I screamed.
The burn of the sudden strike left behind a trail of evidence. It hurt, the tears were pouring. This made her angrier. This bomb was big enough to start a war...
The words formed in my mouth before I could stop them. "Why'd you do that?!"
"Because!" Tears were streaming from my mothers eyes. I didn't know how to stop them. I didn't know how to stop this..
I wondered if Dora could talk, would she defend me? Would she be frowning and violently cursing in Spanish? I would.
My mom left the room, but Barbie didn't prop herself back up. I wouldn't blame her after the scene she'd witnessed.
...........................
A slap in the face,
A punch in the chest,
A fall to the ground,
No one there,
To witness the sound,
No one to see,
The Scent of Desperation,
Covering my fresh layer,
Of blood, sweat, and tears.
............................
Together we can end the endless story of pain for these children. If you or someone you know is being abused, call the NSPCC. Say NO to Child Abuse.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Song of the Day Tears Don't Fall ~ Bullet For My Valentine
Lets go!
With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading
Would she hear me if I calls her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?
There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone f*ing hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
The moments died, I hear no screaming
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me if I calls her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?
There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone f*ing hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Oh! Yeah!
This battered room I've seen before
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath I'm choking
Will this ever end I'm hoping
My world is over one more time
Lets go
Would she hear me if i called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
There's always something to be going wrong
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone f*ing hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall [tears don't fall]
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come
Better!
Your tears dont fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home.
With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading
Would she hear me if I calls her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?
There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone f*ing hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
The moments died, I hear no screaming
The visions left inside me are slowly fading
Would she hear me if I calls her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?
There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone f*ing hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Oh! Yeah!
This battered room I've seen before
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath I'm choking
Will this ever end I'm hoping
My world is over one more time
Lets go
Would she hear me if i called her name?
Would she hold me, if she knew my shame?
There's always something to be going wrong
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone f*ing hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home
Your tears don't fall [tears don't fall]
They crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come
Better!
Your tears dont fall they crash around me
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Song of the Day (:
Last night I heard my own heart beating
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories baby
Thinkin bout everything we've been through
Maybe i've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you
Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til I came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we can work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
I know people change and these things happen
But I remember how it was back then
Locked up in your arms and our friends are laughing
Cause nothing like this ever happened to them
Now I'm pacing down the hall
Chasing down your street
Flashback to the night when you said to me
Nothings gonna change not for me and you
Not before I knew how much I had to lose
Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til i came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we can work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
If you're out there if you're somewhere if you're moving on
I've be waiting for you ever since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before
And i just wanna see you back at my front door
And i'd say
Come back come back come back to me like
You would before you said its not that easy
Before the fight before i locked you out
But i'd take it all back now
Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til i came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
You'd be here by now
It's not the kind of ending you wanna see now
Baby what about the ending
Oh i thought you'd be here by now oh ohh ohh ohh
That you'd be here by now
Taylor Swift ~ It This Was a Movie
Sounded like footsteps on my stairs
Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories baby
Thinkin bout everything we've been through
Maybe i've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you
Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til I came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we can work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
I know people change and these things happen
But I remember how it was back then
Locked up in your arms and our friends are laughing
Cause nothing like this ever happened to them
Now I'm pacing down the hall
Chasing down your street
Flashback to the night when you said to me
Nothings gonna change not for me and you
Not before I knew how much I had to lose
Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til i came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we can work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
If you're out there if you're somewhere if you're moving on
I've be waiting for you ever since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before
And i just wanna see you back at my front door
And i'd say
Come back come back come back to me like
You would before you said its not that easy
Before the fight before i locked you out
But i'd take it all back now
Come back come back come back to me like
You would you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside til i came out
Come back come back come back to me like
You could you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now
You'd be here by now
It's not the kind of ending you wanna see now
Baby what about the ending
Oh i thought you'd be here by now oh ohh ohh ohh
That you'd be here by now
Taylor Swift ~ It This Was a Movie
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Song of the Day
Chances Are ~ Five for Fighting
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today
Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be
Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you
I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah
Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing
Chances chances
Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Chances are when said and done
Who'll be the lucky ones
Who make it all the way?
Though you say I could be your answer
Nothing lasts forever
No matter how it feels today
Chances are we´ll find a new equation
Chances roll away from me
Chances are all they hope to be
Don't get me wrong I'd never say never
Cause though love can change the weather
No act of God can pull me away from you
I´m just a realistic man
A bottle filled with shells and sand
Afraid to love beyond what I can lose when it comes to you
And though I see us through yeah
Chances are we´ll find two destinations
Chances roll away from me
Still chances are more than expectations
The possibilities
Over me
Eight to five, two to one
Lay your money on the sun
until you crash what have you done?
Is there a better bet than love?
What you are is what you breathe
You gotta cry before you sing
Chances chances
Chances lost are hopes torn up pages
Maybe this time
Chances are we´ll be the combination
Chances come and carry me
Chances are waiting to be taken
And I can see
Chances are the fascination
Chances won't escape from me
Chances are only what we make them
And all I need
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Horror Story
As you all know, Shannon and I had planned to write a horror story together. Since we are no longer friends I will be taking over my own story. After Scent of Desperation is finished I will immediately start on the horror story. You should be aware that Scent of Desperation will take a while since I want to make it an actual story, so don't expect something chilling anytime soon (:
Peace, love, and ninjas
~Emily
Peace, love, and ninjas
~Emily
Friday, November 19, 2010
Song of the Day
Bottoms Up ~ Trey Songz ft. Nicki Minaj
Yeah
Oh oh it's Mr. Steal Yo Girl
Oh oh it's Mr. Steal Yo Girl oh oh
Let's go
Bottoms up, bottoms up, ey, what's in ya cup
Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain't enough
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw your hands up
Tell security we bout to tear this club up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green
Girl, you know I love the way you shake it in them jeans
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw ya hands up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, bottoms up (up, up)
You know what it is girl, we back up in this thang
Money stay in my pocket, girl, I'm like a walkin' bank
Tell me whatcha drank, tell me whatcha thank
If I go get these bottles, we go alcohol insane
Callin' all the girls, do you hear me?
All around the world, city to city
Cheers to the girls, throw a deuce to the guys
Now I got a chicken and a goose in the ride
Gettin' loose in the ride
Hatin' a** ***** you can move to the move to the move to the side
Bottoms up, bottoms up, ey, what's in ya cup
Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain't enough
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw your hands up
Tell security we bout to tear this club up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green
Girl, you know I love the way you shake it in them jeans
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw ya hands up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, bottoms up (up, up)
My vision's blurred, my words slurred
Its jam packed, a million girls
And I ain't tryin to lead em
We drunk so let me be your alcohol hero
Callin' all the girls, do you hear me?
All around the world, city to city
Cheers to the girls, throw a deuce to the guys
Now I got a chicken and a goose in the ride
Gettin' loose in the ride
Hatin a** ***** you can move to the move to the move to the side
Bottoms up, bottoms up, ey, what's in ya cup
Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain't enough
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw your hands up
Tell security we bout to tear this club up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green
Girl, you know I love the way you shake it in them jeans
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw ya hands up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, bottoms up (up, up)
*i don't want to write all of Nicki's part lol*
Bottoms up, bottoms up, ey, what's in ya cup
Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain't enough
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw your hands up
Tell security we bout to tear this club up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green
Girl, you know I love the way you shake it in them jeans
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw ya hands up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, bottoms up (up, up)
Bottoms up, Bottoms up, Bottoms up, Bottoms up, Bottoms up
i love that song ;)
Yeah
Oh oh it's Mr. Steal Yo Girl
Oh oh it's Mr. Steal Yo Girl oh oh
Let's go
Bottoms up, bottoms up, ey, what's in ya cup
Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain't enough
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw your hands up
Tell security we bout to tear this club up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green
Girl, you know I love the way you shake it in them jeans
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw ya hands up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, bottoms up (up, up)
You know what it is girl, we back up in this thang
Money stay in my pocket, girl, I'm like a walkin' bank
Tell me whatcha drank, tell me whatcha thank
If I go get these bottles, we go alcohol insane
Callin' all the girls, do you hear me?
All around the world, city to city
Cheers to the girls, throw a deuce to the guys
Now I got a chicken and a goose in the ride
Gettin' loose in the ride
Hatin' a** ***** you can move to the move to the move to the side
Bottoms up, bottoms up, ey, what's in ya cup
Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain't enough
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw your hands up
Tell security we bout to tear this club up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green
Girl, you know I love the way you shake it in them jeans
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw ya hands up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, bottoms up (up, up)
My vision's blurred, my words slurred
Its jam packed, a million girls
And I ain't tryin to lead em
We drunk so let me be your alcohol hero
Callin' all the girls, do you hear me?
All around the world, city to city
Cheers to the girls, throw a deuce to the guys
Now I got a chicken and a goose in the ride
Gettin' loose in the ride
Hatin a** ***** you can move to the move to the move to the side
Bottoms up, bottoms up, ey, what's in ya cup
Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain't enough
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw your hands up
Tell security we bout to tear this club up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green
Girl, you know I love the way you shake it in them jeans
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw ya hands up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, bottoms up (up, up)
*i don't want to write all of Nicki's part lol*
Bottoms up, bottoms up, ey, what's in ya cup
Got a couple bottles, but a couple ain't enough
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw your hands up
Tell security we bout to tear this club up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, pocket full of green
Girl, you know I love the way you shake it in them jeans
Bottoms up, bottoms up, throw ya hands up
Bottoms up, bottoms up, bottoms up (up, up)
Bottoms up, Bottoms up, Bottoms up, Bottoms up, Bottoms up
i love that song ;)
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